13th December 2024


Money and memory

So, I've been working full time for two weeks now. It's been HARD. Knowing what it's like on the other side, it makes me want to be a YouTuber/creator/artistic person/even researcher EVEN MORE desperately. I can't live like the others.

I have SEEN the other side. There is NOTHING there.

So yeah, I wanna be a YouTuber. Which is handy, cuz I'm once again able to make money off it! :з

Y'know that few hundred dollars Google owed me? I got it last week!
As well as my paycheck!
I've never been richer in my life. Currently, my bank account has a total of exactly $1,580 in it. It had like $1,900+ at its peak after I got my paycheck and then my allowance, so yeah, basically I'm invincible now.

I also thought I ought to tell you about how I got the idea to start this website. In the description of one of Vylet Pony's songs on YouTube (idk which one) she talks about how all modern corporate web design is "slippery", and the internet sucks now, &c., and in the comments someone mentioned NeoCities! And I think that same day was when I set up this website, until early the next morning. Yippee!

So, what are my plans? My plans are to get through this current extremely busy period. Then, I'll start putting out more YouTube videos. Then, I'll get myself a proper PC and start doing all kinds of cool shit! I love having money. I hate working though. Well, I don't hate my job, I just hate how much of my time it steals from me. Capitalism will always be the bad guy. It sucks SO BAD that "fiancee" and "feyoncee" are different words. That SUCKS. Wait, are they? Lemme check.
...no, they're not. "Fiance" and "fiancee" ARE different words, despite being homophones. That DOES suck. However, "feyoncee" is not a word: it's me trying to spell "fiancee" like "Beyonce".
I don't even LIKE Beyonce.
Jesús. That's disappointing.

Sometime during my early adolescence, I briefly got really into David Lopez's Vines. I just thought they were neat.
An odd consequence of this was that I started saying "Jesús" (Spanish accent included) as an exclaimation, instead of "Jesus" (no accent).
Now, when David Lopez does his Mexican character in all his sketches, and says "Jesús", he pronounces the /s/ clearly.
At some point, I don't know when, I stopped pronouncing the /s/, and started dropping/aspirating it instead, just like some real Spanish accents do in the Americas. Mind you, NOT David Lopez's accent. I swear, I started dropping the final /s/ WAYYYY before I knew it was a dialect thing. Idk what's up with that!!!
So yeah, nowadays, I still even say [xesu] instead of "Jesus" when I'm surprised or exasperated.

I'm pretty tired. It's 12:24AM on the 14th now. Good thing I don't got work today!! :(

I've recently (i.e. last six months) been getting really into real-world locations and their connection to history. History is places, and I don't think I ever realised that before.

My childhood home, the station which has been in my family for over a century, is being sold. The contract has been signed, and my parents will move out next year. My dad said, "it's tearing my heart out". I agree.
It hurts so much to be losing Challa Station. I grew up there, I have such a deep and profound connection to it. My dad has spent his entire life there. My ancestors have taken care of that land since before it had even been put on maps. And now, simply because neither me nor my sisters want to be farmers, it is leaving our family.
There are no grand consequences to this. The land will continue to exist, likely under the same etymologically inscrutable name, and people will continue to do what they always have on it: unimportant human stuff.
And it's not even that meaningful that it's leaving my family: sure, it's been with us since before Federation, and no other name has held the pastoral lease that I called home for so long, but there were countless generations of Indigenous Australians, and maybe even the odd Denisovan, who called that place home before us. It's in the nature of places to stay behind while people move on. And it's in the nature of people to move on.
I am glad that I chose a life of exploration, rather than the life that I was given. This is a core part of my identity. When I was born, I was given a name and a gender and a future, and I gratefully declined all of them, because I knew that deep down, I did not need them, and I would in fact be better off living a truer life of my own forging. I will excel in whatever I do, I know it for certain. I will do great things. And a consequence of this is that I'll have to let go of Challa.
But it's hard. It's so hard. I was one of four heirs to a 140-year legacy, I had a chance to be the eighth generation to live on and care for this land. Challa. It's such a special place. It has so many special places on it. I was formed there. I will never forget it.
It hurts.
This Christmas will be my last at Challa. I will go back after that. I don't know when, but I fucking swear on my very soul that I will. I love that place more than any other concept, person, or thing in the world.

With that in mind, there's probably a life reason that I'm getting really into the history of places. There are a number of YouTube channels which I adore, like Brendan's Odyssey and Dime Store Adventures, which are fostering this love. I'd actually been watching these channels for a little while before I watched The Unsleeping City: Chapter II, a tale all about places, history, and their relationship, and how important it is to remember. I watched that season a good few months ago now, and it's still stuck with me as a powerful and fun season of my favourite show. Even over Jet Lag: The Game!

Ooh, there's an idea! I just decided to watch a Dime Store Adventure, and picked this video. It's about a funny grave, and it mentions at one point that the guy who is buried under the funny grave specifically got a rock from his family farm carted out to the cemetary for him to be buried under.
That's what I wanna do. My tombstone will be a boulder from Challa, with some shit carved onto it. Maybe some artwork. It'll look cool. Maybe it'll be a half of Split Rock. Or a fragment of The Breakaways.
I couldn't stand the thought of never returning to the Breakaways.
Something I can find solace in is the fact that I'll still be able to research the history of Challa, and my family's place in it.
I will always love that place. Challa is eternal. Not really, because land changes too, but on a human timescale, Challa is eternal. I'm glad to have been a part of its story, even if I was just a mention at the end of a long chapter. I find it hard to not see that as some sort of anticlimax, or disappointment, or failure. I'll try not to think of it that way. Hell, I had three siblings who also share this burden with me. I'll get over this. Maybe one day.
I love Challa. I love it so much.
I'm starting to love Perth too. Never as much.
I could never love anything as much as Challa (I say, being only 19 years old, and knowing little about the nature of love, and not even yet knowing parenthood).
I will probably love anything as much as Challa. Likely even more, if I have kids. But still. Challa. It's special. Don't ever forget it.
What if anything stayed?

I wanna watch the new Jet Lag episode! Hide and Seek is their best game, by far. I love it so much. SO MUCH!! I can't wait to play it irl one day.
I can't wait to start that gaming channel. I never stop thinking about it.
One day, I will be a great musician. I will be a great writer. I will be a great YouTuber. And I will be one of the greatest linguists to ever have lived.
I do declare it thus!!!

I've got BIG PLANS for this website. Too big, in fact: I've been procrastinating on them since I made this bloomin thing!!!
I've been making a conscious effort the last year or so to talk more like I'm from where I'm from. It's fun. I think I'll keep doing it.











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